dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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