I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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