the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
