Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
