after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize