and she was petting her beer can
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
