if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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