and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
