Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize