In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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