Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
