i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
