He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
