Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
