I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
