yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
