Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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