Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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