This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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