I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize