Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
