Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
There's even glitter on my cock...
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