We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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