He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
and she was petting her beer can
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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