if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
