The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
