problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
