I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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