Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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