I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
