I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
