mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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