you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
