And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
