I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
