You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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