I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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