saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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