hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
