So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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