so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
