I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
