Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
