i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
