This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
