We named our party play list daddy issues
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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