Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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