Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
