Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
