ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
