I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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