Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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