My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
