My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
