don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
