we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
