I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize