Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
