she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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