if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
