Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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