my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize