Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
vagina is talking i cant
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Randomize
