That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
