And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
