so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
