New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
why do cheetos always look like penises
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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