I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
