We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
