Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
