I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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