someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
