i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
