positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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