hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
