First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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