I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
