i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize