I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
