You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
