The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize