I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
