The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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