worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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