sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
