Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
