When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
