My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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